Here's Comes Another Year!

There's no doubt I am thankful to have made it through another year. I began doctoral studies, ran another marathon, watched family members struggle with illness, and tried to encourage and share wisdom with hundreds of college students. In 2012, I watched media reports of natural disasters, school violence, racial discord, and political turmoil. Sometimes the news causes my heart to break for the human condition and the future of America. Yet, I remain hopeful there is more good in the world than we see on the news. The real news starts in my corner of the world. It starts with me. So here comes another year, how will I develop what to write on the now blank pages of 2013?

I don't make New Year's resolutions. I typically take the time after Christmas and before New Year's Day to set three major life goals for the coming year. I try not to focus on more than three things because any more than that decreases my chance for follow-through. Before I set personal life goals, I review my principles of behavior at home, work, and in my community. The Hemingway quote above is one way I evaluate my intentions and past actions. I also reflect on implementing the following practices for the coming year:

1. Avoid toxic people. Be deliberate in avoiding conversations with people who gossip, constantly complain, and always criticize others. It takes courage to refuse to participate in conversations where others criticize those they don't relate to or discourage those who are trying to get things done. Avoid being the person who initiates these conversations. No one wins. I refuse to accept negativity and pettiness in the workplace, at church, or at home. I want to surround myself with positive, growing, intelligent, vibrant people. I will intentionally avoid all others, even if it means being alone. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." What's the greatest topic of your conversations? Ideas? events? people?

2. Develop broader circles closer to home.  I see young adults and church groups going on "mission" trips to Africa or even tourist destinations like Dubai and Paris for "mission" work. It all sounds so noble. There are many who adopt foreign babies yet do not have friendships with a person of another nationality within their own church. My heart yearns for society to focus less on external differences such as gender or race. There are many times we don't give others a chance if they simply look different. We may have a negative opinion simply because of past experiences with someone who may have similar external traits. That does not mean you have to like everyone or agree on everything. It takes courage and an expansive mind to initiate conversations or socialize with people outside your circle of comfort. I have healthy, diverse friendships in many places except the town where I currently reside. My mission field is here. My mission trip is all about going to work and church trying to unconditionally love and communicate honestly with those who are right here. Who knows if that local friendship, conversation, or volunteer effort might impact the city, the state, or church community for greater good. 

3. Stop assuming. Many of us have Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+ and LinkedIn accounts. Each of these tools have a place and purpose in today's world. Social media is highly visual and incite strong feelings. But the snapshot of someone's life on Facebook may cause you to think your life is not as perfect as theirs. Social media allows us to share only the positive highlights. Life outside the smartphone and computer screen  may be different. You don't really know anyone from their Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin persona. You might be surprised by what you learn when you spend less time tweeting or Facebook stalking and more time talking to people. It's okay to use social media to a build community and learn more about the world. Just remember, meaningful, lasting relationships are always built in person. If you really want to know about a person, network, or gain true perspective, talk to them. Don't assume you know anything about them because of what you see of their life on Facebook. Stop assuming and return to asking.

4. Practice what is preached. Whatever your faith, denomination or spiritual affiliation, try to intentionally practice some of the loving principles and concepts discussed by your pastor, preacher or spiritual leader. I find this especially important at work and when participating in any type of team or group situation. Perhaps we should all be mindful about practicing basic tenets like: forgiveness, honesty, encouragement, grace, and mercy. Allow your faith principles to be evident in everything you do. How do you consistently apply your beliefs at work, home, school, and especially when nobody's watching?

I hope you'll consider some of these approaches in 2013. I know I will. During the cool winter months, I like to find a quiet place, grab a cup of tea and write out three goals or even three words that guide my intentions to contribute to a better world in 2013. I am always hopeful things will get better and people will be nicer when a new year rolls around. It starts with me...and you. In my little corner. Be.the.one.

5 Things on my Gift List

Another Christmas season is upon us. And I have not even started shopping. This year I find my thoughts drifting toward how to choose meaningful gifts for the people on my list. Yet, when I honestly reflect on gifts I truly want to give or get, it's more complicated than just going to the mall or shopping online. Here's my perfect gift list:

1. The gift of time: There's never enough time to get everything done or spend with those who matter most. The best gift we can give ourselves is to stop doing things out of obligation or to get noticed. Learn to say no with grace and love. You can do anything, but you cannot do everything. Invest quality time with those who matter in your life. Fully engage and embrace the precious, small moments by being with those you love or reaching out to someone who may be lonely. Invite someone to share a cup of coffee or make that phone call, just to talk for awhile. 

2. The gift of humor: Laughter draws people together. Whether at work or, with family and friends, take a minute to laugh together. Avoid laughing at someone else's expense, but find reasons and situations that make you laugh out loud. Laugh at yourself. A hard, belly laugh. Research has proven laughter has positive side effects on health, longevity, and long term relationships.

3. The gift of attention: Stop checking your phone when at lunch or dinner with someone. Give them your undivided attention. Look into their eyes when they are talking. The topics that are most important to them will often come up in a casual way. Ask appropriate questions and really listen to the answers. You may not be able to solve the problem, but a listening ear can ease the burden for another person. Take time to notice what isn't said too. Just pay attention to others. Where ever you are, be there.

4. The gift of thanks: Gratitude can change the tone of your life. Do you have a job? Be thankful that you are employed. Does someone love you? Be thankful for love. Are you alive and breathing? Life may not be perfect, but be thankful for life. Has someone been kind to you? Thank them. Make it a practice to write down weekly or evenly monthly a few simple things (or people) you are thankful for. There is no gesture of gratitude that is too small. Send a handwritten thank you note or card to someone. Text the words,"Thank you for you," to a friend or family member. It just might make their day. 

5. The gift of prayer: Whatever your religious or denominational leanings, prayer is wonderful part of faith. You can always pray for someone else. You can offer a celebratory prayer for someone experiencing good fortune. You can pray for someone who is suffering a loss. You might even want to pray for those you find less than pleasant to be around. Prayer changes things. Most of all, it changes you.

Looking at this list, I suppose it's not complicated at all. All you need is a willing heart to give any of these gifts. As I think about the holidays, family, coworkers, and my life's work...here's my prayer:

May we listen more than we speak.
May we ask for support when we need it.
May we offer support to someone else when they need it.
May we rest without fear.
May we surrender to the truth and forgive others when they wrong us.
May we avoid listening to negativity and the wagging tongues of gossip.
May we respect differences without judging one another or sacrificing our beliefs.
May we seek solutions by having courageous conversations. 
May we grow, serve, connect, and be thankful throughout the year. 
Merry Christmas!

5 Life Lessons from Running 26.2 Miles

It is 37 degrees outside. A crisp cold day, but the warmth of the bright sun is soothing on my face. I am breathing deeply. Suddenly a pain in my right hip is shooting down my leg toward my knee. My knee stiffens. I began doing an odd combo of a run/limp now. I start to panic slightly and wonder, "is it happening again?" Hip fracture? Knee injury? The fear and doubt about what I am doing and why I am doing it, flood my mind.

I force my thoughts away from the pain and on the song my sister and I had just belted out at the top of our lungs at the starting line..."This girl is on fire, fi-ya, fi-yaaa..." Well, that was true, my feet were indeed "on fire" burning from the 20 miles of constant pounding I had forced upon them. I refocus on what's possible as a slight curve forms on my lips. What's that? A weak, half smile? (see photo) Yes. I can do this. I will finish strong and healthy. I will keep a song in my heart. I will run for those who cannot run. My hip relaxed and knee loosened with each moment I forced myself to practice possibility thinking and gratitude for good health.

On October 7, 2012 in the city I love and once lived, all I could do was keep moving forward. No time to take in the beautiful Chicago neighborhoods and fall colors along the way. Alas, this was no scenic tour. This was about finishing 26.2 miles of the 2012 Bank of America Chicago Marathon for the second time.

From the start of my training season to the marathon finish, this year would prove to be different on so many levels. I typically run and train alone. My rationale is that I find it more peaceful and do not want to be pushed by others to injury or slow others down in their efforts. Yet, for the first time in years, I felt compelled to step out of my personal comfort zone and complete a couple of training runs with a local group of runners. I still prefer to run alone when training, but at least I tried something different.

Another difference arrived when I started making travel arrangements. I rarely travel with or stay with family or friends to avoid too many distractions when I run in different cities. But once again, this year was different. I even stayed at my sister's condo in Chicago during marathon weekend. It was pure bliss. I felt so loved. She jokingly told people she was hosting an "elite athlete." 

On race day, my sister, brother-in-law, and dear friend Tracey, came out to support me along the course with signs and shouts that are a joy to see and hear. I ran with a sign on my back in honor of my brother-in-law who has been battling Multiple Myeloma since 2005. He is the real marathoner. Wow, so much was different. My sister, Connie and I often talk about the deeper meaning of the many events, emotions and reactions that define one's life. 

This marathon experience was different and provided too much wisdom to pass up. The day after the marathon my sister and I discussed these life lessons. She came up with the points, I expanded on them. So here's what we learned that might even apply to other things in life:

1. Everybody needs a ground crew. 

Who supports you? Who do you support?  My sister, brother-in-law and dear friends made me feel stronger along the course as they cheered me on. I refer to them as the "ground crew" for all they did to support me before, during and after the race. Their prayers, cheers and love provided a quiet joy and peace throughout the weekend and during the marathon. The things no one will ever see are what mattered most to me. My sister shared a great story behind the term "ground crew" based on this 1964 Nobel Prize acceptance speech by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.   I am forever grateful to my 2012 Chicago Marathon ground crew: Connie, John, and Tracey. 

2. Run your own race. 
I do not run to beat others or attempt some crazy speed, especially since I have a day job. It is a good idea to be able to walk when you return to work after a marathon or half marathon. I run to stay healthy and for the pure joy of setting a goal, inspiring myself to push past discomfort, accomplishing the goal and encouraging anyone I can along the way. I finished the 26.2 miles of the Chicago marathon for the second time in a row. That's all anyone needs to know. Don't ask me about my time so you can compare it to your definition of success. Ask me about the people I met. Ask me about the lessons I've learned.  God has a unique plan and purpose for you. Refuse the urge to compare. Run your own race for your own reasons.

3. Travel light. Take only what you need and use what you take.
I carried 4 packs of GU gel and some Sport Beans strapped around my waist. I stopped at the water stations to hydrate along the way. Anything more would have slowed me down. Simplify your life. Leave behind whatever is weighing you down. By the end of the marathon, I had used everything that was strapped to my body. I finished with a much lighter load. It felt good. Life is short and you can't take anything on this earth with you. Lighten your load whenever you can.

4. Pace yourself, for the journey is long.
No one saw me in the anonymity of preparation in the weeks and months of training. Waking up at 5 a.m. and putting one foot in front of the other for miles and miles before going to my "real" job. It was not easy, but to finish well I had to put in the time to determine the best pace for me. Nike sponsors pace teams to help people run the "splits" or various miles of the marathon consistently. They ask that you decide what time you expect to finish and run with a group led by an experienced runner who paces the group. Some of the teams use a run/walk combination to finish strong. Even when their legs are fresh and they could run faster, the pace teams start slowly and stay within the pace they have set. The worst thing to do when trying to finish any arduous journey is start too fast. You will have nothing left at the end. Choose wisely. Pace yourself. Be consistent. You will get there in your own time and in your own way.

5. Carry the music in your heart...just in case you forget your headphones. 

I usually run longer distances listening to music or speeches. This time, I forgot my headphones. I had to focus on my own heartbeat and the memories of music past to propel me forward. I enjoyed more of the sights and sounds along the course. At one point, we ran past a nursing home with lovely silver-haired people lined up in the windows and doors just to get a glimpse of the marathoners. They were waving and cheering like we were rock stars. I waved back and would have missed the moment if I had tuned out with headphones on. I thought of my father-in-law who had just passed away the week of the marathon. I thought of my mom fighting the difficulties of aging. I thought about my brother-in-law challenged by cancer, but is the most joyful person I know. I thought about the songs of all those who are facing tougher things in life than running a marathon. Guess the music was indeed inside of me, I didn't need those headphones after all.

I want to hear from you. Leave comments below. What is the marathon in your life? Choosing a career? Changing a job? Getting a degree? What tips do you use to reach your finish line? Talk to me.

Are you Ready for Some Football and a Job Search?

Labor Day weekend signals the end of summer and the beginning of football...oops, I mean, Fall. In the South, football is almost its own religion. Some people can quote player stats. and team standings quicker than a Bible verse.
Both men and women stay abreast of college football, high school football and the NFL. Everyone has a favorite team. Life stops when the game starts.  Now, now... I'm not criticizing this, it simply fascinates me. Football fans across America often show support by wearing their team's colors. On game day, many come out in full team regalia. You will see people wearing team jerseys, caps, and more just to encourage their team.

Since I was born and raised in Wisconsin, I consider myself a Green Bay Packer fan. When I lived in Wisconsin, I even went to a game or two. The excitement and energy in historic Lambeau Field was contagious. Packer fans were over-the-top. Even during below-zero cold weather, some men would strip down to display "Go Pack Go" painted in green and gold on their beer-filled bellies. I even sported a cheesehead once. Thankfully there are no photos to prove it. As I observe football mania, it made me think, how could we apply the same energy and focus to a job search?

1) Get a cheering section. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you to stay in the game. I've heard people say, "There are no jobs out there," so they avoid trying. They listen only to family, friends and the news--then do nothing but complain. It is indeed a tough job market and you must be even more flexible and creative in your search. Few people work in a job that is the same exact major they chose while in college. The perfect job may not be your first job. Avoid taking advice from people who are not in the know about today's local and national job trends, recruiting methods or interview practices. If that ideal job does not come along, do you have an idea for a business? Get professional advice on how to write a business plan and start that business.

2) Show your team colors. Don't be afraid to target a few organizations. Use Linkedin.com to find them. The majority of recruiters and companies are recruiting on Linkedin. Be sure to use the six Linkedin etiquette tips I've previously recommended. Make sure your marketing tools are consistent and compelling. Yes, you STILL need a good, clean, resume and a strong elevator pitch. Use the resume to help tell the story about your experiences. When networking, a resume is your "business card" and your elevator pitch is the concise, verbal introduction about what you bring to an employer and why you are interested.  If you are a college student, the career services office can help you refine your resume, develop a great elevator pitch, and it's usually a free service.

3) Practice your plays. If you get an interview, practice basic interview questions with a career services professional or other professional. Make sure it is someone who knows what employers or investors want in your industry or field. Make sure they will give you honest feedback on everything from your word choice to your energy level when answering.  The words you think you are saying don't always sound the same when you speak them aloud. Be sure to dress appropriately for the industry and organization. If you are unsure what to wear to your interview, ask someone.

4) Cheer for someone else. Finally, always give back. If someone refers you, interviews you or otherwise helps during your search, send them a thank you note or email within 24 hours. While you may focus solely on what you need during a job search, remember someone else might need something you already have. Help another person and expect nothing in return. It's the right thing to do and it feels good to take your mind off of yourself when helping someone else.

As the football season comes into full swing, I expect to see even more people wearing their team colors, cheering wildly, tailgating, and gathered around large t.v. screens. If you are searching for a job or starting a small business, make sure you have the right tools and use smart plays. Even if you have more losses than wins, don't give up. Just step away and rework your game plan. Get good coaching. Then get back in the game!