Does Bullying Exist in the Workplace?

The national coverage of the bullying incident reported by a player on the Miami Dolphins football team continues to dominate the news. As this story unfolds, it appears that bullying is no longer happening only to high school students. Big, strong football players can become overwhelmed by it too.

As a doctoral student studying organizational leadership and as a former career coach to college students, I began to wonder why this phenomenon appears to be growing in businesses across America. According to a recent workplace survey, one in three people say they have encountered intense hostility and hazing in the workplace. Much of it goes undetected because people live in fear of losing their jobs. 

In many cases, the workplace bully exhibits very specific and consistent behaviors. These may include making fun of the employee's speech, looks or other physical attributes in front of others or making demeaning comments when the employee offers an opinion or attempts to contribute professionally. Often these behaviors are conducted in front of others which only adds to the humiliation. The unseen behaviors may involve stealing ideas, criticizing every task or amplifying minor errors that are not business or task critical.

Workplace bullying has been shown to affect individual productivity as well as the bullied individual's physical and mental health. The bullied person can sink into isolating actions and depression which only makes them less pleasant to be around and gives the bully further ammunition. Productivity may decrease due to the bullied person taking more sick days. When the bullied employee is at work, errors may increase due to the lack of sleep and emotional fatigue.

So why wouldn't a person report this torture? Typically conversations with Human Resources professionals have left the bullied person hopeless. Human Resources staff are powerless or politically inclined to maintain the status quo. Even worse, if a human resources professional intervenes, the bullying may become more intense. In some workplaces, speaking up against a co-worker or bully boss only make things worse, so it continues to go on unreported.

A 2007 Workplace Bullying Institute survey shows, 53 percent of employers did nothing when an employee reported a workplace bullying incident. In 30 percent of cases, the person who complained got fired. If the person did not get fired, they were labeled a complainer, trouble-maker and socially ostracized. Additionally, the bullied employee's performance was more closely scrutinized making being productive virtually impossible.

All leaders know that every work environment has a dominant culture and expected performance norms. While leaders are not required to provide a stress free environment, bullying can cost a business greatly. The problem is that bullying affects everyone, not just the bullied person. Research has shown that turnover increases, morale decreases, and team performance may also decline when they observe bullying behavior toward a co-worker. Team members become very tight-lipped and robotic causing the work environment to lose its energy and creativity. 

Here a few tips for a person experiencing bullying and one for leaders:

1) Bullies exist because organizations allow them to. If the bully is thriving, it speaks to the organization's values. The bully may be a high performer or have great personal relationships with those in authority. If attempts to have honest conversations with human resources, senior leaders or the bully have failed--decide if it is worth it to stay. No job is worth losing your confidence and positive performance track record. 

2) Find a support system outside of your organization. While it may difficult to avoid going home complaining to family and friends, try to participate in activities that bring you joy and energy outside of work. Since exercise reduces stress, be sure to exercise everyday and get a good night's rest (at least 8 hours of sleep) to protect your physical and mental health.

3) Guard your heart. If you cannot immediately remove yourself from the situation, try to forgive the bully. When we don't forgive, we carry more of the burden than the person who has wronged us. Bullies are often insecure individuals. Make peace with yourself if you cannot make peace with the bully. Try to stay positive within the workplace and avoid making negative comments about the bully to co-workers.

4) Leaders, take it seriously. Leaders who fail to intervene after being made aware of bullying are equally responsible. As mentioned in number one above: bullies exist because organizations allow them to. Leaders need to try to avoid surface interventions, taking sides or ignoring the problem. Find was to mediate and resolve the concern even if it means mixing up teams. If the bully is a high performer you may be more inclined to let it go. Bullying negatively affects the bottom line, increases team turnover and reduces productivity of teams.

It is difficult to understand a painful situation like bullying if it is happening to you. Never stop believing there is good in the world. There is hope. There is a brighter future.  Mark Nepo says it best, "To be broken is no reason to see all things as broken." You will return to joy and energy.

I want to hear from you. Do you think workplace bullying is real or have we become a nation of whiners? Leave your comments below.

Hope Anchors the Soul

Have you ever felt your life spinning out of control? Whether it's consequences from decisions we've made, or life happening around us, many people are dealing with great personal pain. In recent months, I thought my life was settling down after recovering from pneumonia, starting a new job and moving to a new state. Then my mom passed away.

It was Friday, August 2, 2013. That morning, I'd spoken to my sister and told her not to tell mom I was coming home to Wisconsin for the weekend because I wanted to surprise mom. A few hours later that same sister called with the news that would change everything. "Karen you need to get here now. Mom just died." My mother had been struggling with the effects of Alzheimer's disease for over two years, yet one can never truly prepare for the moment. It's the moment of hearing the words "Mom died." Then in a dreamlike state you get on planes, make funeral arrangements, greet family and friends. You walk past people doing normal things, living life with loved ones and all you want to do is cry out in grief. I cannot even begin to unfold the complexities of grief, but I know that losing my mom has changed me. No matter how close or distant you are, nor how young or old your mom--a mother's bond is the strongest of all family connections. Losing my mom has indeed been a defining moment. I'm sure I'll write more about that sometime soon.

After returning to work and my new normal, I was sure that I was done with the drama that has etched this year in my mind. Nope not yet. This past week, I was in a traffic accident. I am thankful I walked away from the wreck just a little shaken and sore. My car, well that's another story. Dealing with the insurance company, not having a car to get to work and just the burden of another problem, have tested my resolve. With my husband working in another city and being new to the area, I felt so alone as I was once again left to deal with my physical and emotional circumstances of this minor traffic accident. Many people tell me they admire how strong I am. Some days I don't feel so strong. Most days I just need a hug.

I am not sharing these things to gain pity. I know there are others who have experienced far worse things than me. I share these things to remind myself and others that every where you turn there could be someone experiencing pain that you don't always see on the outside. My faith has taught me to everything there is a reason and a season--even when your heart is breaking, your body is exhausted and you don't understand any of it. 2013 has been my season in the wilderness.

For me, the only healing I can find comes from having hope. I recently came across some words of wisdom from Rick Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church and author of The Purpose Driven Life. His tips for winning with the cards we have been dealt, resonate with me. Warren says, we all have been dealt five cards. Most of them we cannot change but one of them we can control.

1) Chemistry
The first card represents the body people are given and the chemistry that makes up their physical characteristics. We have no control over how we were created physically. While I agree that we have no control how we were physically created, I do believe that we must always take care of the one body God has given us. Even when I am overwhelmed, I try to exercise and eat nutritious foods.

2) Connections
We were made to be in relationship with others. We are wired to be connected. We all need support systems in our lives. This has been a tough one for me as I have moved to various cities throughout my career. Even when I've lived in a new place, I have often felt like a fish out of water. I have one, maybe two friends from long ago who live in different cities. I do not have the depth of connected, local friends who can support me in times of need and simply grab my hand to walk through life with me. I won't give up. I know that finding true friends is a process that requires an investment of time and shared life experiences.

3) Circumstances
We have no control over who our parents are or where we were born. Many times, we give this card way too much power. We all know we can't control circumstances. After losing my mom and being in a car accident, I have learned this in a real way. Even when you try to do things "right," negative circumstances can occur in our lives. The difference is how you choose to accept, deny or deal with the circumstances.

4) Consciousness
When it comes to this card it is all about the way you think. The way you think affects the way you act. If you want to change the way you act, start with your thoughts. If I'm acting depressed, it's because I feel depressed. You can't change a feeling – but you can change a thought. This one rings true. When I focus on all of my problems, I notice how others cannot see or experience the joy, love and openness in my heart. My entire demeanor changes. Whatever gets your attention, gets you.

5) Choices
This is the only card that you CAN control. It is the card that can either make or break the entire hand you've been dealt. It is truly the wild card. We have the power to change the direction of our lives by our choices. Perhaps God gave us the gift of choice because it can redirect all of the other cards. So today, I choose hope.

Even though I am weary and bending in the storms of life--I choose hope. When I focus on hope I am empowered to reshuffle all the other cards I have been dealt. I can only deal with life one day at at time. And I know I'll get through to the other side of all of this. One hope at a time. Helping someone in need. Encouraging someone in pain. I choose hope.What will you choose as your "wild card" to play the hand you've been dealt?  Leave your hopeful comments below...

How are you using your 1440 minutes?

I've been thinking a lot about time lately. Life is composed of days, weeks, months and minutes. There are a limited number of minutes in each day. A total of 1440 to be exact.

Over the past two months, I have felt deeply out of balance due to the many life changes and demands on my time. I left a job I loved, became quite ill with pneumonia, moved to a new state, started a new job in a new industry all while trying to complete doctoral coursework. These past two months have forced me to become hyper-aware of time and thoughtful about how I spend it. Here's what I have learned so far:

1. Build in thinking and planning time. Each day we react and rush around to get everything done and try to stay ahead of the next demand. Somehow we equate speed with effectiveness. Indeed speed and responsiveness matter greatly in business and in life. When you answer questions or resolve a problem quickly you are showing you care enough to honor the request of another. But in our rush to "do" we have stopped thinking about what we're doing. We simply run from one thing to another with no time to truly ask ourselves, "is this necessary?" I've learned that thinking plus planning actually equates to greater speed. I'd suggest that we would be even more nimble and excellent in our actions armed with a thoughtful plan. Thinking and planning should never slow you or others down, they should in fact, make you and others more efficient and effective. Build thinking and planning time into your day, week, month or even year.

2. Choose to whom you gift time. Family, friends, church members, professors and employers will require your time daily. Giving your time to them is a precious, personal and sometimes emotional gift. I do not believe one can ever find a perfect balance when everyone needs something from you. However, I have learned that we must always negotiate and counterbalance the many demands of a well-lived life with the things that bring us joy. There are indeed things we are required to do everyday. Sometimes we cannot change that. Yet, we always have some freedom to choose how to counterbalance the stress of  life's daily requirements. Give time to the people and activities that bring you joy or allow you to re-charge while helping someone else. What makes you smile? What can you do to make another person smile? Try to do more of those things.

3. Include rest and rejuvenation time. There will always be deadlines and demands. Yet, it is important to shut off your technology and spend time listening, resting, reflecting and rejuvenating. That will take a different form for all of us. No matter how important your job, family, friends, church or other responsibilities, you will better serve all of it if you periodically remove yourself from it. Things won't fall apart without you. If they do, maybe you have taken on too much alone.  If they don't fall apart, you will have learned a great lesson. Turn it off. It's good for your mind, body and spirit. Be still and know.

4. Respect the physical body.We are not effective when we disrespect the 1440 minutes in each day. We become irritable, emotionally charged, physically ill or just plain unhappy. Well, maybe that's just how it affects me.  Nope. Some highly intelligent people have done research on how the human body is negatively affected by the stress of daily time pressures. This can lead to lack of sleep, weight gain, headaches, low immunity and overall irritability. We are not able to give our best professionally, emotionally or spiritually when we fill every minute in every day with activity. Get some exercise, or as I like to call it, "intentional movement." Sugar and caffeine only offer a temporary boost of energy.  Eat less processed foods and more natural foods. Get 6-8 hours of sleep. Respect your mind and body.

Take a moment to write down how you use your 1440 minutes. Write down 1440 on a sheet of paper, then start subtracting chunks of time (in minutes) from that number. What is left? When I did it I ended up with a minus 95 minutes each day--sometimes more. Scary. Find ways to counterbalance those things that suck up more than their fair share of your 1440 minutes. You might even have to say no to someone. Once you do, you'll be stronger, smarter, happier and more fun to be around. As for me, I'm going to go for a run, then get a massage and take a nap. By the way, there are 525,600 minutes in a year. Here's the song to prove it.

What have you learned about time? I'd love to hear from you. Leave a comment below.

What's on your leader's and team member's workplace wish lists?

The workplace is a tapestry of attitudes, beliefs, cultures, generations, and habits. Dump that into a cubicle with different ways of getting things done and it's like sharing a bathroom with a messy teenage sibling. Sometimes we see things we don't want to see. Towels on the floor. Sometimes we are frustrated and get angry. What if we started every day seeking to understand workplace dynamics from each other's vantage point? Would that change how we communicate, lead, trust, and experience work?  In the interest of trying to help leaders and teams thrive, I asked some effective leaders and high performing team members what was on their workplace relationship wish list. Here are my non-scientific results from both perspectives:

The Leader's  List for Team Members
1. Be reliable. When I ask you to do something, do it promptly. If I do not give you clear instruction or a deadline, ask me about it. I'm busy and not perfect. I am secure enough to delegate and trust you to get it done. But don't be afraid to ask questions. If I am causing delay in you completing a task, let me know.
2. Don't just tell me what you think I want to hear. Have the professional courage to honestly discuss your workload, personal concerns, organizational politics, and ideas to improve our work processes. But let's trust each other enough to talk candidly. I am confident enough to hear opposing views. All of your ideas may not be implemented and I may not be able to solve any of it. But talking it out helps us both.
3. If you make a mistake, own it. Don't avoid it, blame others, or become defensive. Sincerely apologize, discuss it with me, and learn from it. Everyone makes mistakes. It's how you respond that causes me to have a reaction of irritation or understanding. But, my worst fear is that you will make me look bad to others. While perfection causes paralysis, I do want you to do your job with excellence.
4. We will disagree. Try to understand company expectations, my preferred work style, my definition of service, and how I lead. I'll try to understand yours too. I am being asked to deliver results. I don't make this stuff up just to terrorize you. It may be uncomfortable for both of us.
5. Avoid being an expert at pointing out problems. Come to me with thoughtful solutions and creative new ideas to address problems that you see. I will listen. Sometimes the organization is not ready for your ideas, or mine. We can still do our best.

The Team Member's List for the Leader
1. Let me do my job. You hired me because I obviously have some intelligence and talents. My approach to work may be different from yours, but I will get it done. Trust me, guide me when necessary, and move out of the way.
2. Celebrate success. It's motivating to be encouraged for a job well done. Saying "thank you" for small things is nice too. But don't patronize me. Authenticity, sincerity, a day off or a bonus wouldn't hurt either.
3. Invest in my professional development. I want to learn from others in my profession and more about broader industry trends. A strong external network is good for our organization. It's good for me too. You don't know everything, neither do I.
4. Be a better listener. I need to know you will listen to my ideas and concerns without judgment. I may need to complain or  want to radically change things. I want to know you will listen, offer your perspective, but don't try to solve everything. Avoid over explaining tasks and organizational dynamics. Sometimes I need to experience the organization and not just be told about it.
5. Communicate with clarity. Tell me what you expect of me and how my job contributes to our strategic goals. Make time to create goals and strategies. If you don't know, be secure enough to tell me that too. It's not about you. If I am missing subtle cues tell me, don't block or avoid me.

At the foundation of any healthy relationship is the ongoing effort to try to see things from another person's point of view. Unhealthy relationships cause perfection paralysis, polarization, and pain. We know that our reactions and responses are influenced daily by our owns deeply ingrained thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. To lead or follow you must know yourself.  The foundation of a healthy workplace relationship is often built on lofty words--like "trust"and "respect." Trusting is difficult. Respect is complicated. None of it is easy. Yet, we spend too much time at work to be miserable.

It takes maturity, open communication, and compromise from both the leader and team member to enhance a relationship and ultimately perform at the highest levels. You do not have to sacrifice speed, excellence, joy, or satisfaction. There are no perfect leaders nor team members. The journey is arduous, not hopeless. Let's clean up that messy bathroom together. Pick up the towels off the floor. What's on your wish list?